Plenty of Time (Plenty of Time series, book 1)
by TMNT-Queen
Summary: A secret he hasn't told anyone. A love that's all but impossible. A choice that must be made, and soon. Because for Hamato Leonardo, time is short. And he may not get another chance. Rated T for mild language.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

The hour is late when I return from my solo patrol. The lights are dimmed in the Lair and the living room is lit only by the television, which is set on standby.

A small smile appears on my lips as I take in the sight of my brothers curled up on the couches. Evidently they all fell asleep while watching yet another Super Robo Mecha Force Five marathon. I walk over, quietly pulling up the blankets around Mikey and Donnie again. I place a pillow behind Raph's neck so he doesn't get stiff overnight. Then my gaze falls on the figure in the armchair and my whole world freezes for a moment.

She's beautiful when she sleeps. There's an expression of peace on her face, and her breathing is near silent. My smile widens a little and I put a blanket on her, pressing a kiss to her forehead before I leave the room.

 _Sapphire._ The name rings like a silver bell in my mind, bright and shining.

Sapphire is a human that we rescued one time from the Purple Dragons. She was effectively homeless, so we offered to let her move in. She accepted. But in the past few months, ever since Karai came to stay with us as well, Sapphire has become closed off and distant. There's a sadness in her eyes, a heaviness in her steps that wasn't there before.

I can't figure out why.

"You're up late."

The voice, smooth as river water over stones, snaps me from my thoughts. Karai leans against the doorway of my bedroom, her arms crossed and a teasing smile on her face. She pulls me in for a kiss when I get close enough.

"How was patrol?" she asks when we break apart.

"Same old same old," I reply, stepping into my room and taking off my belt and pads. "It was quiet out tonight."

"Hmm," is all Karai says. She watches me closely. "You're sad about something."

"I'm not sad."

"Yes, you are. Something's bothering you, Leo. I know you well enough by now to tell." She places a hand on my cheek, her eyes softening. "What is it?"

I can't tell her yet.

"Nothing," I reply, stepping away and climbing into bed.

With a sigh, Karai places a kiss on my head and makes for the door. "I'll see you in the morning."

I stare at the ceiling as her footsteps fade into silence. She's upset that I wouldn't tell her what was on my mind - that much is clear from the frown on her face. But I don't want to tell her - tell anyone - yet. Not yet.

I've still got time.

Plenty of time.


	2. Chapter 1: Sapphire

**Chapter 1: Sapphire**

My fingers shake a little as I open my journal and being writing. It was another hard day yesterday - and Leo was oblivious as always.

 _I always felt so alone. Out of place. Then I found you._ _And I thought for once that I wouldn't be so alone._

 _But you didn't love me. You loved **her**. _

_When you broke your leg and we were at the farmhouse, you didn't call out for me in your sleep. You said "Karai."_

 _It's always been Karai._

 _I felt so useless. I didn't even have a chance anymore. Not with her around._

 _So I started cutting. You always asked me why I wore a jacket, even when it was hot outside. I always made the excuse that I didn't care, that they made me feel cozy. You didn't question it._

 _Sometimes I wonder if you even care about me at all._

With a sigh, I close the journal and head for the kitchen, where the sounds of rattling dishes and clanking pans grows ever louder. I take my seat at the table, ignoring the others' stares.

Leo, Raph, Donnie, Mikey, and...Karai.

The old feeling of helplessness surges up in me, curbing my appetite. I pick at my food, not hungry despite the amazing breakfast Mikey cooked.

"Aren't you hungry, Saph?" the youngest turtle asks.

I shake my head. "Not really. I think I've got a little bug or something. Sorry, Mike."

He offers me a smile. "It's okay."

At least _he's_ being warm to me. I can't say the same for the others. Raph looks about as out of it as I do, and I know it's because he was up drinking last night.

He thinks no one has seen him, but as a person with depression, I find it hard to go to sleep. And many times, I've snuck out to the main room, only to watch him down several bottles of the booze he sneaks in for times when his day has been rough.

Then there's Donnie. He's already on his third cup of coffee because he stayed up way too late last night working on his latest project. The bags under his chocolate brown eyes are very visible, since his skin is so pale this morning. He's exhausted.

Mikey is cheerful as always, his fingers tapping out a beat on the tabletop. The movement brings a wry smile to my face. He never could sit still for very long.

My gaze drifts to Leo and Karai, and my stomach clenches. He's over there grinning at something she said, his cheeks pink and his blue eyes sparkling. She leans in close, whispering something in his ear that makes him laugh.

Give it a rest.

I'm so sick of the two of them, of the way they're so open about their relationship. I can't be the only one who's tired of seeing them laugh and kiss all the time.

I push my plate back a little, resting my head in my arms and closing my eyes. I can feel everyone's eyes switch to me again, but there's one that burns into me more than others.

I ignore him, trying to tell myself that I could care less what he thinks of me.

But if I'm being honest with myself, it doesn't work.


	3. Chapter 2: Leonardo

**Chapter 2: Leonardo**

Despite the fact that Sapphire is silent as she lays her head on the table, I know she's not happy. My perception of the feelings of other people is nowhere near as good as Mikey's, but I can still sense their moods.

So I bring her into the conversation, hoping to make her open up some. "How are you feeling this morning, Sapphire?"

"I'm okay. Just tired."

Her default response. But there's something in her eyes, something that calls to me. Something begging to be found and recognized.

A frown appears on my lips. "Are you sure? Because-"

Just then, Karai runs a hand over my leg and touches the sensitive part of my thigh. I gasp a bit, my eyes going wide. My face turns red.

The blank mask slams down over Sapphire's face again and she stands up, shoving her chair back. She gives the rest of her food to Mikey and leaves the room.

Raph clears his throat and raises a brow at me. I glare at him in response, standing. A hurt look crosses Karai's face, but my mind is too preoccupied to form a response or defense.

I step into the living room, spotting Sapphire on the couch. She has her back facing towards me and it looks like she's asleep. But I know she's not. "Saph, can I talk to you?"

It's almost a full minute before she responds. "Talk about what? I'm not in the mood for talking."

I sigh, taking a seat next to her. "That's clear enough. But you know what I mean. You're putting a wall around yourself to keep us out. And I'd like to know why."

That gets her to sit up. But there's a scowl on her face now, a murderous look in her eyes. A look aimed right at me.

"If you don't already know, then you're just gonna have to figure it out yourself," she snaps. "And until then, it might be in your best interest to leave me alone."

I can't do anything but watch as she heads to her room and slams the door. The sound is still echoing through the Lair when Mikey pokes his head in. "What was that all about?" he asks.

For the first time in years, I have no answer.


	4. Chapter 3: Sapphire

**Chapter 3: Sapphire**

"You're closing yourself off from us. And I want to know why."

 _Is he serious?_

Anger simmers in my veins. "If you don't already know, then you're just gonna have to figure it out yourself. And until then, it might be in your best interest to leave me alone."

I storm down the hall to my bedroom and slam the door, locking myself in and trying to ignore Mikey's question. _"What was that all about?"_

Now that I'm alone, I release a long breath. Finally some peace and quiet. I reach for the cuff of my sweatshirt and pull it up, looking at my scars.

If Leo hasn't figured it out yet, he'll never know. He'll never know how much he means to me. How much he hurt me.

How much he's still hurting me.

 **TMNT/TMNT/TMNT**

A few hours later, I'm lying on my bed with my eyes closed. I debate for a moment, as I often do, about telling Leo everything. I even get so far as to go to his door. But there's always something that makes me stop.

Today, it's one of those big slaps to my face...and my courage.

Through the cracked-open door, I can see Karai's body next to his as they sleep. His arm is curled protectively around her, the sheets drawn up around them both.

Tears sting at my eyes and I abruptly turn on my heel, making for the bathroom. Stripping out of my clothes, I turn on the shower water and sit there in the bottom of the tub. I hate myself, suddenly.

I hate myself for being so pathetic, for ever letting my heart believe that Leo could possibly feel anything towards me.

And when I'm done crying, I turn off the water and stand, telling myself that maybe today will be a good day.

But I know enough by now that I shouldn't get my hopes up.


	5. Chapter 4: Leonardo

**Chapter 4: Leonardo**

A pull in my abdomen is what wakes me and I slip out of bed as quietly as possible. Karai turns over in her sleep, and a sad smile creases my face. She still doesn't know yet. None of them do.

Soon they'll find out, whether I'm ready for it or not.

I sigh a little and head for the bathroom. But when I get close, I realize that the shower is running. My eyes narrow a little. _Who would be up showering this early?_ I'm normally the only one awake at this point in the morning.

Without warning, the door opens and reveals Sapphire standing there in nothing but a towel. My cheeks heat up and she drops her gaze, crossing her arms. Wordlessly, she brushes by and starts walking back to her bedroom.

Before I can think about what I'm doing I lunge forward and grab her wrist. "Sapphire, wait. We need to talk. And don't tell me you're not in the mood. Please."

My voice and movements belie my desperation. I have to make this right.

Sapphire's expression turns pained, and I realize how tightly I must be squeezing her arm. But when my gaze moves towards her wrist I can't help my inhale of surprise. There are numerous scars on both wrists and my finger was pressing into the newest of the wounds.

 _She cuts?_

"Saph-"

"I don't feel like talking right now." She jerks away, spinning on her heel.

"Sapphire-"

"There's nothing to talk about!"

My face darkens. "Like shell there isn't!" I snap, pinning her between myself and the wall. "You've been avoiding everyone, but mostly me. And I figured out why. I didn't want to believe it before because I couldn't let myself hope that it was true."

"Leo, I know you think you know what's going on with me, but you don't! You keep asking me what the problem is and you want to figure that out, but maybe try taking a look in the mirror."

I growl in frustration, gritting my teeth together. "You don't understand, Saph. My time is running out. And I don't want to waste it by making small talk when we should just get down to the core of the problem!"

Now, let me explain something. As soon as those words were out, I wanted to take them back. But they always say that you can't take back a bullet once it's been fired from a gun.

And little did I know how badly that bullet would tear my world apart.


	6. Chapter 5: Sapphire

**Chapter 5: Sapphire**

"You don't understand, Saph. My time is running out. And I don't want to waste it by making small talk when we should just get down to the core of the problem!"

As soon as those words leave his lips, all the blood drains from his face. I can tell he wants to take them back. But they're hanging in the air between us, thick and heavy and wrong.

 _His time is running out?_

"Leo, what do you mean?" My tone is softer now, hesitant. As if I make one wrong move and it'll spook him.

"Hey, now. We're talking about you, not me." His voice shakes a little too much. The words come out a little too quickly.

"Are you hurt?"

"N-No, I'm not...I mean, I am, but...hey! I'm supposed to be finding out if _you're_ okay, not the other way around." He drops his cobalt gaze to the floor and steps away. "Besides...it doesn't matter how I am physically. All that matters is that I do my job as a leader. Anything else comes after that."

Oh, here we go again with the "I'm just a leader" crap. He gets this complex every few weeks where he feels like the only reason we keep him around is so he can protect us and lead the team. Like he doesn't have any other value or anything.

"I'm not gonna stand here and listen while you berate yourself. Either you tell me what the shell is wrong with you or I'll go drag Donnie out of bed by his mask tails and have him give you an examination. Then you can explain to him why we're up arguing at four in the morning."

 _Okay, so maybe I still care about him a little._

Leo pauses, weighing his options. I can almost see the gears turning in his head. Evidently he decides that the first option is the better one because he sighs and sits down on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest. "I-I haven't told anyone about this because I didn't want to worry them."

"Tell anyone about _what,_ Leo? All I know is that you're not yourself. And that you're keeping secrets from your family again."

"Some secrets need to be kept," he argues.

"Oh, yeah. Because that worked out _so_ well with Karai." The eldest turtle winces at the barb, but I bury the guilt that rises in me. Something is definitely going on with him, and I'm going to find out what. "Now spill. What exactly is going through your head, Fearless?" My voice softens some as I crouch down to meet his eyes. "Tell me. Trust me."

"I...I have..." He takes a deep breath. When he looks up, his eyes are filled with tears. My heart skips a beat at his expression. _He's absolutely terrified._ Whatever this is, it can't be good.

The next four words that fall from his lips make my world shatter into a million tiny pieces.

"Saph, I have cancer."


	7. Chapter 6: Leonardo

**Chapter 6: Leonardo**

I didn't tell Sapphire because I was afraid of what Donnie might find. I told her because I'm tired of carrying this secret around and bearing the load all by myself. But now she's staring at me as if I ripped the ground out from underneath her feet.

 _Which, in a way, I guess I did._ I chuckle inwardly. Then I wince and shake my head. I don't know when my sense of humor got so morbid.

 _'Maybe when you realized you were dying?'_ the tiny voice in my head whispers. I shrug the thoughts off, reaching out for Sapphire's hand.

"Look, Saph. It's not a big deal."

"The shell it isn't," she snaps, jerking back. "Leo, you're freaking _dying_ and you're telling me it's not a big deal?!"

"Quiet!" My eyes dart around as I try to determine if anyone heard her. After a heart-pounding moment I relax a little, turning an irritated gaze towards her again. "Just shout it to the world, why don't you?"

"You can't honestly tell me that no one else knows about this," Sapphire presses. "Besides, how could you have found out without getting scanned or..." Something seems to occur to her because her eyes widen. "All those days you were locked up in the lab with Donnie. He was...he was running tests on you, wasn't he? He knew somehow."

"Yes," I admit quietly. "I realized that I was getting slower and weaker. Donnie noticed too - it didn't matter how much I tried to hide the truth from him. One day he confronted me about it, saying that in the most recent batch of blood he drew, my white blood cell count was way too high. The next thing I knew, he was sitting in front of his computer with tears in his eyes and the most devastated look on his face. He told me I had cancer."

Sapphire shakes her head. "No...Leo, he's wrong. He has to be wrong."

"Donnie has been right about every single thing when it comes to medical conditions and stuff. And there's no denying I'm off my game."

"Maybe...maybe you're just sick. Maybe it's a cold."

"Sapphire, look at me." I force her to meet my eyes. "You know it's the truth."

I don't even see it coming. One moment I'm crouching next to her, and the next I'm flat on my back with a stinging cheek. "Why the shell didn't you _tell_ us?!" she cries, her lower lip trembling. "Why keep it a secret?!"

"Because I couldn't risk anyone finding out about it! You really think Shredder would send me a "Get well soon" card if he found out I had cancer? No! He'd send his soldiers to take me down! And you guys would be right in the line of fire!"

"We can take care of ourselves, Fearless! Or did you forget that your brothers are ninja?"

"Of course I didn't forget," I retort, sitting up and rubbing my cheek. "Why do you think Sensei has been training Raph so much?!"

"It's not because he needs it. It's for some other reason, isn't it? The stuff Splinter runs him through is different. It's exactly what you went through when you were training to become the lea-" Her eyes go wide and her hand flies up to cover her mouth. "You asked him to train Raph to be the leader, didn't you? You...you're not expecting to make it through this."

But it's a rhetorical statement. She knows what my reply would be.

"What kind is it?" she asks finally. Her voice is near-silent.

"Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia." I swallow, the full weight of everything hitting me worse than Raph does when we spar. I've never really let myself think about it all before. And it's terrifying.

 _Worry about your brothers first. Then everything else._

"Raph and Mikey don't know, do they?"

I shake my head. "Neither does Karai. I just...I didn't want you guys to worry."

"Well it's a bit late for that," Sapphire snorts. She stands up, clutching her towel tighter around her body. "Let's go."

"Go where?"

"I'm gonna get some clothes on, get Donnie up, and then we're going to talk about what we can do about this situation. And then in the morning, you're going to tell the others."

"Oh, no. No I'm not. I can't. Not yet."

"Leo, don't be a baby. You have to tell them sometime."

"And what happens when I do? You know how Raph'll react. And I can't hurt Mikey like that."

"You're hurting them worse by not telling them," she counters.

 _Saying it will make it more real,_ I want to reply. Instead I take a deep breath and look at the ground. "I'm scared," I whisper. It's the first time in a long time that I've admitted that. But Sapphire doesn't laugh at me, or shake her head in pity.

She hugs me.

"When life gives you something that makes you feel afraid, that's when you get a chance to show how brave you really are," Sapphire says softly. Her blue eyes glisten with tears but she manages to give me a smile anyway. "It's okay to be scared, Leo. But don't let that fear control you."

Somehow, those words make it easier to breathe. A strangled noise makes it past my lips and then I'm crying. "I'm so sorry. So sorry."

"It'll be okay," she tells me. "We'll figure this out. We'll get through it. Together. That's a promise. But I want you to promise me something in return."

"What?" I ask, wiping at my face.

"Never give up. You're allowed to scream, you're allowed to cry, but _never_ give up. Okay?"

"Okay."

And for the first time, I feel a little spark of hope. That maybe, just maybe, I have a fighting chance.

* * *

 **For those of you who are wondering what Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia is:**

* Adult acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) is a type of cancer in which the bone marrow makes too many lymphocytes (a type of white blood cell).

* Leukemia may affect red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets.

* Previous chemotherapy and exposure to radiation may increase the risk of developing ALL.

* Signs and symptoms of adult ALL include fever, feeling tired, and easy bruising or bleeding.

* Tests that examine the blood and bone marrow are used to detect (find) and diagnose adult ALL.

* Certain factors affect prognosis (chance of recovery) and treatment options.


	8. Chapter 7: Sapphire

**Chapter 7: Sapphire**

My mind is spinning, my heart is pounding, and I'm positive my face is every bit as pale as it feels. _Leo has cancer._

It still doesn't seem possible.

I mean, sure. He's been moving a little slower than usual lately. But he's still been training and leading the team on patrols. He's still capable...isn't he?

I steal a quick glance at him on our way to the lab. He doesn't _look_ any different. But now that I'm paying attention, I can see it. There's a hesitancy in his steps and he winces every so often. He's hurting - that much is clear.

It's not long before Donnie is awake and sitting in his computer chair, facing the two of us. "I'm not gonna lie to you guys. Leo's cancer will quickly get worse if left untreated, resulting in failure of bone marrow, which will in turn lead to the failure of internal organs and..."

"And what, Donnie?" I prod.

"Death," he whispers. As if saying it aloud will make it worse. Beside me, Leo puts his head in his hands. I slip an arm around his shoulders to offer a little comfort.

"So what can we do to fix this?"

Donnie shakes his head. "First I would have to determine how far the cancer has spread. Leo's shell and plastron prevent the use of a lumbar puncture. I don't have the equipment or space necessary to perform an MRI or CT scan on him. And I don't know how effective a chest x-ray would be, considering the fact that the waves might not penetrate his shell."

I consider this for a moment. My brows furrow as an idea appears in my mind. "Donnie, don't vets do MRIs and CT scans on their patients?"

"Ye-es," he says slowly. "Originally the use of an MRI or CT scan on animals was rare, but it's becoming quite common nowadays."

"So all we'd have to do is find a vet that has the equipment necessary and-"

"And what? It's not like we can just waltz in and demand the use of their equipment!"

"Fine. What about after hours?"

"The noise the equipment makes would draw too much attention."

"What choice do we have, Donnie?!" There's a fire in my veins now.

"Stop." Leo's weak voice gets our attention. The blue-banded turtle shakes his head, his eyes flickering with pain and sadness. "It's just not possible, Saph. No matter how you slice it, there's no way we'd be able to pull it off. And even if we did, then what? What's changed, other than we know how far it's gone?"

"Then Donnie comes up with a treatment. And after that, we figure out how to get you back to your old, stuck-up, stubborn as shell self."

Leo just shakes his head again, standing up. "We're not in any position to accomplish this. It's impossible."

" _Nothing_ is impossible, as long as you're willing to give it a try," I retort, crossing my arms.

"There's no use in fighting for something that doesn't even have the smallest chance of success."

My heart sinks as he stands and makes his way out of the room. I turn to Donnie, a pleading look on my face. "There has to be _something_ we can do. Anything."

"Saph..." the genius begins.

I scowl at him. "Don't you _dare_ side with him. Since when was the Hamato Clan made of quitters, huh? Since when did you guys give up on anything?"

Donnie sighs in frustration, running a hand across his head. "Look, Saph. The others don't even know about this yet. Leo hasn't told them, and I _certainly_ am not going to tell them. Besides that, we'd probably have to have money to make a trip to God-knows-where for the scans, as well as lodging and the necessary amenities. On top of _all that,_ Shredder has eyes and ears everywhere. It would impossible for us to even get out of the city."

"You did it that one time-"

"That was _different!_ We went to the upstate _in the middle of an alien invasion!_ If we left now, Shredder would see us before we could even make it past the tollbooths."

The full reality of the situation is beginning to set in. I want to cry or throw up right now. Or possibly both. _I can't lose him. Not now._ Even if he never looks at me the same way I look at him, it won't matter as long as he's alive. I'd take his wellbeing over his love for me any day.

So I put a hand on Donnie's arm and make him look at me. "Please, Donnie. We can't give up on Leo. Even if he's already given up, we can't do the same. This family would be nothing without him. I know it, you know it, and deep down he knows it too, no matter what he says. We need him, Don."

After a long moment, he swallows and nods. "I'll see what I can dig up. I make no promises though. This is going to be a long shot, Saph. And however this ends up, make no mistake. This will be the hardest thing Leo has ever done. And he's done some pretty hard things in his life."

"Thank you," I whisper, smiling a little. Yeah, it may be a long shot, but even a long shot is better than no shot at all.


	9. Chapter 8: Leonardo

**Chapter 8: Leo**

 _"Leo's cancer will quickly get worse if left untreated, resulting in the failure of bone marrow , which will in turn lead to the failure of internal organs and..."_

 _"And what, Donnie?"_

 _"...Death."_

I had been expecting those words, but they weren't what scared me the most. No. The absolute terror in Donnie's voice and eyes did that.

And then Sapphire had to go and instill some false hope into him.

I'm not gonna lie - that really got my blood boiling. Not because I don't want to believe that there's still a chance, but because I can't risk getting my family's hopes up only for them to be crushed if it doesn't work out.

My mood turns dark and I head for the dojo, needing some release. I find the room empty. _Perfect._

Soon I've wrapped my hands in gauze and stretched. I attack the punching bag with all my might, channeling my raw emotions into fierce hits that cause the bag to spin crazily. I don't even realize how hard I've been going at it until there are hands on my shoulders, pulling me away.

"Whoa, Leo! Chill out, bro!"

 _Raph._

I'm panting. Aching. Exhausted. I turn to my immediate youngest brother and his eyes widen.

"Are you okay?"

"'Course I am, Raph. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Cuz you're crying."

I frown, raising a hand to my face. And freeze. Tears are sliding silently down my cheeks in a wave that just won't stop coming. "I-I'm not...I wasn't crying just a second ago. I mean..." My hands are shaking now and my voice cracks. I swallow. "I'm fine. I-I...I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna come out of this and be just fine."

"Come out of what?" he asks, his green eyes betraying his worry. "Leo, you're not making any sense. Do you want me to get Donnie?"

And in the end, it's not his words that break me. It's the tenderness and hesitation with which he's approaching me. It's so different from his normal brusque ways that my throat constricts. I sink onto the floor and bury my face in my knees, sobbing.

Footsteps pound on the floor outside and then Donnie and Sapphire burst into the dojo. Sapphire sees me crying and rushes over, throwing her arms around me. "Shh...it's gonna be okay. Everything will be fine. I promise."

"Don't!" I snap, meeting her eyes with my red-rimmed ones. "Don't make a promise you can't keep."

"Promise about _what?!"_ Raph demands. He looks furious and confused and scared all at the same time. "Someone better start talking or I'm gonna-"

"Calm down, Raph," Donnie says warningly. "Take a deep breath and calm down."

"Calm down?" the hothead screeches. "Our big brother is crying like there's no tomorrow and no one will tell me why and you want me to _calm down?!_ Give me one reason why I should calm down, Donnie. Give me one damn-"

"Enough!" The word explodes from my lips so forcefully and loud that Sapphire jerks away, her grey eyes wide with fright. Everyone is staring at me in shock. My shoulders sag and all the anger leaves my system. "Enough," I repeat quietly. I dash at the tears soaking my cheeks and let out a long breath.

Right here and now, I've reached a fork in the road. I can sense it. I have two choices at this moment. I could either tell Raph and the others, or I could hide the truth from them one more time. Not telling them would spare them the awful reality for at least a little longer. That would initially be my choice, but then again...If I _do_ tell them, and Sapphire is right about the possibility of a cure...

Raph leans forward, crossing his arms. His face is still lined with concern. "Well?" he prods.

 _Breathe. Whatever you do here determines the future._

My eyes close and I clench my hands into fists. And I speak.


	10. Chapter 9: Sapphire

**Chapter 9: Sapphire**

"Leo," I say softly, touching his shoulder. "You don't have to do this. We still have time."

A bitter smile grows on his face and he looks at me with tear-filled cobalt eyes. "Y'know, it's funny. I used to tell myself that every day. That I had all the time in the world. But it's not true." He wipes at his cheeks again, shaking his head a little. "There've been a thousand moments I've taken for granted over the years, and it was all because I had assumed there would be a thousand more. You never think that the last time is the last time. You think you have forever. But you don't."

As his brother speaks, Raph's eyes widen fractionally. "Leo, you're talking like...like you're..." He trails off, unwilling to finish.

"Dying?" Leo takes a deep breath. His shoulders sag. "I-I am, Raph."

For a long moment, the hothead stares at him. Then his gaze flicks to me and Donnie. I offer him a sad smile. "It's the truth."

Raph shakes his head, his breath catching in his throat. "No. No, you're lying. You gotta be lying. Leo can't...he isn't...there's no way-"

"He is."

"No. There's nothing on Earth that can take him down. Not a broken leg, not being almost beaten to death-"

"Cancer can."

Donnie's two words make Raph freeze. His face drains of color and his green eyes go huge with fear. "What did you say?"

"Cancer," the genius repeats softly. "A form of leukemia, to be exact."

The red-banded turtle shakes his head again, standing up and backing away. "I don't believe you."

"Raph-"

"Leave me alone!"

His shout echoes through the dojo as he runs from the room. Moments later, I hear his bike roar away down the sewer tunnel.

"This is exactly what I was afraid of," Leo mumbles, dragging a hand down his face. "I knew this would happen."

A pang of guilt and growing anguish hits me and I bite my lip. My eyes sting but I blink away the tears. I can't afford to cry. Not now. "He had to find out eventually, Leo. There wasn't gonna be an easy way to break it to him. To break it to anybody."

"I shouldn't have told you. It would've been so much easier that way."

"What way?" I scowl, crossing my arms. "You just going off one day to die, and leaving your family wondering what had happened? Or do you mean letting them stumble onto your body and not know why you died? Nothing in this situation is easy, Leonardo. There is no scenario that isn't going to hurt in some way or another."

"I'm not going to listen to this." He stands up, hard lines of anger and something else etched into his face.

 _Fear._

Pure, cold, unadulterated fear.

For the first time since I met the turtles, Hamato Leonardo is truly afraid.

I reach for his arm. "You can't walk away from this," I insist. "It's going to happen, and there's nothing you can do to change it. The only shot we have is what I suggested, and that won't even be a possibility unless the others know."

Leo jerks away, pain filling his eyes. "Stop it," he yells. "Just stop it! You don't know what I'm going through, Saph! You don't know what it feels like to have your own body trying to tear you apart! To not even be able to _sleep_ because everything hurts so much! To carry guilt around because your family has no idea that you're slowly dying because you haven't told them. You haven't told them because you're still trying to take care of them first, before yourself!"

I stare at him then, the fury fading from my expression. "You're wrong," I say quietly.

"What?"

"I do know what it's like." My lips curve upwards in a humorless smile. "To go through that pain, to hide it from everyone around you."

"How?" he asks. But the angry ninja is gone now. In his place is a scared, desperate teen. A teen who needs reassurance and hope. A teen who needs to know that he's not the only one who feels this way.

So I step closer, slowly putting my arms around him in a gentle hug. "Because I had cancer too."


	11. Chapter 10: Raphael

**Chapter Ten: Raphael**

 _This is a joke. This has to be a joke. Leo can't be...he can't be..._

Tears blur my vision and make it hard to see where I'm going - not a good thing when you're driving a bike. I wipe at my eyes, looking up just in time to see the apartment building appear in front of me.

I don't even have time to breathe before I collide with the wall. There's an awful screech of metal on stone as my bike hits. The sound rings in my ears and the next thing I know, I'm lying on the ground, staring up at the winter sky.

A scream of rage and fear rips from my throat and I stagger to my feet, limping away from the hunk of twisted metal that used to be my most prized possession.

Because really, what does something like that matter when your world is falling apart?

I make it about ten feet into a nearby alleyway before reality hits me. _Leo is dying._ My stomach heaves and I fall to the ground, a half-sob escaping my lips. I put a hand tight over my mouth in an effort to keep myself from crying.

It doesn't work.

I don't know how long I sit here staring at nothing while tears roll soundlessly down my cheeks. There's the taste of salt on my lips, and my body is stiff from being in the strange position. A voice comes from behind me.

"Raph?"

 _Leo._ I glare at the dirty alleyway floor, imagining a hole burning straight through it.

A sigh. "Raph, I know you're upset-"

My head snaps up and I fix my bloodshot green eyes on him. "I don't freaking believe you!"

"What?"

"Upset?! I'm not _upset,_ Leo!" He just raises an eye ridge at me, crossing his arms. "Okay, fine. Maybe I am. But you...you _lied_ to me! To all of us!"

Leo shakes his head. "I never lied, Raph."

"A lie by omission is still a lie. You're _dying_ , Leo! And you didn't even tell your own brothers!"

He flinches, his gaze sliding down to his feet. "I didn't want you guys to worry," he admits quietly.

"It's a little freaking late for that!"

"...I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time," I snap. "I mean... _shell,_ Leo." All the anger drains from my system, and I'm left exhausted and afraid. "How are we gonna get out of this one?"

I swipe angrily at my eyes as more tears threaten to overflow. And then strong arms are sliding around my shoulders, pulling me to a scarred plastron. "It'll be okay, Raph," he whispers. "I promise."

"Don't! Don't make a promise you can't keep! I heard what Donnie was saying. This thing is practically incurable because of our lifestyle. There is no way out, no solution. So don't go saying everything is gonna be okay when I know it's not!" My voice cracks. "I can't lose you, Leo. I can't. I'm not strong enough. I'd be lying if I told you it was something I could handle."

Leo is silent for a long moment and then his face hardens. "You won't," he says firmly. "You're not going to lose me, Raphael. No matter what happens, you're not going to lose me."

"It's incurable, remember? Your organs are gonna fail and then you're gonna-"

"Sapphire might've found a way to stop it."

My whole word freezes for a moment, and I can feel a little spark of hope ignite in my soul. "What?"

He takes a deep breath. "It's mostly theoretical, but there are places that do MRIs and CT scans on animals. If Donnie could use the equipment to figure out exactly how far the cancer has progressed, then he might have a shot at creating a cure for me. Or...or at least slowing it down."

"And you're going to do it, right? You're going to take that chance?" He doesn't answer right away and my eyes narrow. "Leo...you're going to get a scan. Aren't you?"

The blue-banded turtle sighs. "There's nothing saying that it would work. There's also a lot of variables we can't account for. The equipment would be noisy and draw attention, and so would four mutant turtles sneaking into-"

"You can't just give up! What about Mikey? You're gonna put him through all the pain of watching his big brother pass on? In his world the sun and moon revolve around you. It would kill him if you left."

A pained expression passes over his face. No, not pain. Fear. "This will be the hardest thing I've ever done, Raph. I don't...I don't think I can manage this. Not by myself."

"That's what you don't seem to realize. You're not alone. You've got all of us behind you, and no matter what happens we'll be here. We're not going anywhere, Leo. Ever. But you can't go anywhere either. Because we need you just as much as you need us."

Leo stares at me for a long time. And then his face crumples, tears filling his cobalt eyes and cascading down his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm so sorry."

Now it's my turn to hold him and be the strong comforting one. I press our foreheads together and look straight into his eyes. "We'll get through this," I tell him. "I promise you, we will get through it. You're gonna kick cancer's butt and come out better than ever. But you can't give up. You're allowed to scream. You're allowed to cry. But do not give up. Okay?"

"Okay."


	12. Chapter 11: Leonardo

**Chapter 11: Leonardo**

Now that Raphael is on board the only person left to tell is Mikey. I'm saving him for last because I know that it'll be the hardest.

A thought occurs to me suddenly. I still have to tell Karai.

I shake off a feeling of guilt, deciding that she can wait until after Mikey. He's my brother. He comes first. Always.

 _Except in something like this, apparently._

I growl, pushing the thought away.

There's a sour taste in my mouth as I walk through the Lair in search of my youngest sibling. My heart is pounding in my chest and dread curls in my stomach. I know he's not going to take this well.

 _In his world, the sun and moon revolve around you._

"You okay?"

The voice startles me and I yelp, spinning around to find a pair of baby blue eyes locked on my face. "Oh. H-Hey, Mike. Yeah, I'm good. I was actually...uh...I wanted to talk to you about something."

He raises an eye ridge, setting his game controller down and leaning forward on the couch. I can feel another gaze land on me, and I don't have to look to know that it's Raph. A small smile appears on my face as I remember our conversation a few days ago.

 _You're not alone. You've got all of us behind you, and no matter what happens, we'll be here. We're not going anywhere, Leo. Ever._

It takes me a minute to realize that Mikey said something. I turn my thoughts back to the present, flushing. "What?"

"I said go ahead," Mikey repeats. "Jeez, bro. Your head is, like, way up in the atmosphere or something today, isn't it?" A grin stretches on his lips and I feel another surge of guilt. That grin will be gone in a few moments.

I let out a quiet sigh and take a seat across from him, pulling my knees to my plastron. "Actually, it's very much on my current...predicament."

He cocks his head, that lazy grin still evident. "What predicament? Did Karai finally make a move on you? Did _Saph_ make a move on you?"

The question startles me and my gaze snaps up to meet his. "What? Why would Saph-"

Mikey's eyes widen, as if he hadn't meant to say that. "Never mind. Forget I said anything. Now, about your predicament."

"We-ell...Mikey, I...here's the thing. There's something-"

"Oh, for the love of Pete. Just spit it out, dude! You're killing me!"

I wince. He probably hadn't meant to phrase it that way. But the word 'killing' still rattles me. "I have cancer," I blurt out, in hopes that I'll just get this conversation over with.

For a single moment, everything is silent. Everything seems to stop - even time itself. And then the moment is over and reality is rushing over me like a tidal wave. Mikey gapes at me, completely stunned. Tears start to gather in his eyes.

"W-What?"

"I found out a few months ago, but I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry."

"But Donnie can fix it, right? He's good at fixing things."

My shoulders sag. "I hope so...there's a chance that he might be able to find a cure. But it's...the odds aren't good, Mikey."

He shakes his head. "No. This...this isn't real. This can't be happening. You're...you're the strongest person I know. There's no way-"

"Mikey, listen to me. It's-"

"Don't say it's okay, Leo! It's _not_ okay!" Mikey's voice cracks and his lower lip trembles. "You can't just...you can't get sick like this! You can't. You _can't-"_

I'm across the room so fast my head spins. My arms lock around him, pulling his shaking body against mine. Something warm and wet hits my wrist. "It's gonna be okay, Mikey. Everything will be fine."

"B-But you're gonna get so sick and then you're gonna...you're gonna-"

"No, Otouto. I'm not. I'm not going anywhere. Okay? I'm not going to leave you."

"How can you say that? How can you make a promise like that? You don't know what's gonna happen. You don't know if you're gonna-"

I take his face between my hands, gently but firmly making him meet my eyes. "I'm not leaving you," I repeat. "No matter what, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to let this thing beat me. I'm going to make it through this, all right? But I can't do it without you, Mikey. I can't beat this if you don't help me. I need you to believe in me. I need you to believe I can make it."

Slowly, so slowly, he nods, shutting his eyes. I wipe his tears away with my thumb, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"...Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you...are you scared?"

I release a long breath, leaning back on the couch. Mikey curls up against my side, waiting for an answer. After a few seconds I reply to his question. "Not of dying, really. It's more that...I'm afraid of time, and not having enough of it to figure out who I'm supposed to be. To find my place in the world before I have to leave it. And I'm afraid of what I'll miss if I go."

"Then don't go," comes his simple answer.

"But what if I'm not strong enough?"

"Just take it one day at a time. That's all. And if that's too much, then take it five minutes at a time. However you have to do it. But you have to make it through this. I can't live without you, Leo. I don't want to live in a world without you in it."

 _You won't,_ I want to say. But the words won't come out. So I sit there in silence, with my thoughts spinning and my youngest brother pressed tight against me. My eyes drift shut.

Right before I fall asleep, I swear someone puts a blanket over me. I catch a whiff of a familiar, warm scent and a small smile makes my mouth curve upwards. Sapphire.

She ghosts her lips across my head in a light kiss. "Everything is gonna be all right," she whispers.

And I let myself believe it.


	13. Chapter 12: Sapphire

**Chapter Twelve: Sapphire**

As I step away from the couch, Leo smiles faintly. For just a moment I take in his expression. There's such peace on his face right now - something that he'll desperately need in the months to come. My heart skips a beat and I turn away.

Raph stops me as I walk past the kitchen. "Thank you," he says quietly, gesturing towards his twin with a nod.

"It's not a big deal," I assure him. "Really."

"It is to me." The hothead releases a sigh and rubs a hand across the back of his neck. "Look...I know that this probably sounds weird - especially coming from me - but for Leo to have someone like you, someone that can help him out and talk him through this...it really means a lot. He doesn't really like to depend on anyone, and he doesn't normally talk to anyone about his problems. So for you to be there right beside him, for you to keep pushing him to get better and get treatment...it's a blessing for us."

"Thanks," I whisper. Praise from Raphael is rarely given - and it makes my cheeks heat up.

He leans against the counter, popping a soda can open and taking a long drink. "So...did you really have cancer?"

I nod, my gaze growing distant as I remember the long days of treatment and pain and exhaustion. "Yeah. I was almost ten when they diagnosed me."

"Damn," he murmurs. "What kind was it?"

"Acute lymphocytic leukemia."

Raph freezes for a moment. "Wait. Isn't that the kind that Leo-"

"It's a different name for it, but yes."

"So you-"

"Beat it? Yes."

"Then Leo has a chance!" There's excitement on Raph's face now. "If you came out okay, then he has a chance too!"

"I wouldn't get too excited about that. The treatment was long - two to three years long. And it hurt like nothing I've ever felt before."

"But there's still a _chance,_ " he insists. "You made it through, Saph. You're standing here today and you're alive and well. That's all that matters." His eyes light up. "I need to go tell Donnie."

"Raph, wait!" I catch his arm, shaking my head. "I don't know if Leo is strong enough to go through all that treatment. The chemo, the drugs..."

Something occurs to the ninja and he stops, turning to stare at me. "You're not just saying this because it was painful, are you? The cancer, the treatment...it hurt more than just your body. Didn't it?"

My gaze falls to the ground. "Yes," I admit softly. "It messed with my mind, Raphael. The pain especially. There were days when I wanted to die. I wanted so badly to just give up, to call it all off and let the cancer take me away. Because when you're hurting that badly, you can lose your will to live. And I-I don't want Leo to go through that." I take a shaky breath. "He's made progress today, telling Mikey. His resolve has built up. But I'm worried...I'm worried that it might not be enough."

"Leo is the strongest person I know. He won't let this cancer beat him. He promised. And he _never_ breaks his promises."

"I'm just telling you...don't get your hopes up in case this doesn't work out. We still don't know how far it's gotten."

And for the first time since I can remember, Raph's face softens. His "tough" mask slips for a few precious moments. "You're the one who's given us hope, Saph. We won't let that hope dim. We won't let Leo's spark go out. No matter what it takes."

He pulls me into a hug and just for a moment I let myself be held. Then the moment is over and he's backing away. "I really need to go talk to Donnie. And don't worry. I won't tell him everything."

And then I'm alone in the kitchen with just my thoughts for a companion. I sigh and slump onto the floor, burying my head in my knees. _It'll be okay._

But for all Raph's reassurance, I still have my doubts. The road ahead is going to be long and painful. For once in his life, Hamato Leonardo might not be strong enough.

Is it wrong of me to push them like this to get an official diagnosis? All I really want is for Leo to survive, and I know that if we don't do this then he probably won't make it past his next birthday. But if it causes him as much pain and heartache as I went through...

I don't know if it's worth it.

* * *

 **A/N: Before you guys say anything, I know that Saph sounds like she's completely changed her mind.**

 **That's not it at all.**

 **She _wants_ Leo to get treatment, but she knew how much it hurt when she went through. And she doesn't want him to suffer like she did. **

**Yes, I _did_ look up acute lymphocytic leukemia. It _is_ just another name for acute lymphoblastic leukemia (at least as far as I could tell). So...yeah. Science.**

 **I'll go ahead and tell you what's about to go down in the next chapter. Maybe it'll prepare you for the inevitable tidal wave of emotions that will threaten to drag you under. *insert evil laugh here***

 _Leo and Karai have a little talk...and it doesn't go anything like Leo planned._

 **And that's all the warning you get. ;)**

 **Please review.**


	14. Chapter 13: Leonardo

**Chapter Thirteen: Leonardo**

When I wake up, I'm still lying on the couch but Mikey is long gone. My neck and upper body are stiff from sleeping in a weird position for so long.

And my bones are aching really badly.

I grit my teeth and haul myself up off of the sofa, trying to stretch. But raising my arms above my head is _not_ a good idea. A wave of heat and pain washes over me and I swear under my breath, stumbling into the kitchen. I fumble in the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol, Ibuprofen, _anything_ that will take this pain away. Finally, I manage to locate a mostly-empty bottle of pain meds and pop three into my mouth, downing half a glass of water with them.

"You look like crap."

The sarcastic tone puts a smile on my face despite the ache in my body. I turn around, leaning on the counter for support. "I haven't done my makeup yet, sorry."

"You should hurry up and do that then," Karai replies, crossing her arms. "You need it."

My mouth opens as I prepare to make another comeback...and then something like white-hot fire travels through my veins. My eyes roll up into my head and I collapse onto the floor, shaking uncontrollably.

The last thing I'm aware of is Karai screaming my name.

And then nothing.

* * *

 _"-eo...Leo, can you hear me?"_

"Mmh..."

 _"I need you to open your eyes for me, bro."_

With great effort, I manage to peel my eyelids back. Donnie's face slowly comes into focus and he lets out a sigh of relief.

"Good to see that blue again."

"What...happened?" I croak. My throat burns from disuse and lack of water.

Something crosses his face then, an emotion I can't quite put my finger on. "We should talk about this later."

I frown and push myself to a sitting position on the cot. "Donnie, talk to me. What happened?"

"You...you had a seizure."

The words come out so quiet that I have trouble hearing them. And then I freeze as my mind catches what he just said. "W-What?"

"A seizure. You were talking to Karai and you started shaking. I had to put a sedative in you to calm you down. It put you to sleep for a little while...it should help take care of the pain, too. You gave us all quite a scare, Leo."

"Wait...I had a seizure? Is this because of the..."

"As far as I can tell, yes. You never had them before, but I believe this is a side effect."

I swallow against the lump in my throat. My eyes sting with tears. "It's getting worse, isn't it?"

Donnie's shoulders slump and after a moment, he nods. "Yes," he admits. "I've been looking for treatment centers. Somewhere that we can find an unused machine. I-I found a few matches. All we have to do is plan a trip-"

"Are you talking to yourself again, Donnie? Cuz if you are, I'm gonna have to-" Karai trails off as she catches sight of me. Sitting up. Alive. Her face crumples and she rushes over, throwing her arms around my neck. "You scared the crap out of me," she says fiercely. And then she punches me hard in the shoulder.

Pain vibrates up and down my arm, and for one horrifying second my hand goes numb. I try and keep the panic off of my face as I reply. "Sorry. I'll try not to pass out next time."

Donnie stands up quickly, making a beeline for the door. "I'll leave you two alone."

Then he's gone and it's just us. I take a deep breath as Karai sits in the recently vacated bedside chair. "Karai, we...we need to talk."

"You're not breaking up with me, are you, Three-Toes?"

Her nickname for me almost makes me smile. But the seriousness of the situation prevents that. "No...it's actually...well...there's something I've been meaning to tell you and I just...I mean-"

"Spit it out already."

I squeeze my eyes shut and release all the words in one sentence. "IhavecancerandIdidn'ttellyoubecauseIwasafraid."

For a long moment the room is silent. Karai stares at me with wide amber eyes. "You're...you're kidding, right?"

I shake my head no.

Her lower lip quivers a little. "No. Dammit, Leo. No. No. You can't do this to me."

"Karai, I've talked to Donnie. We're trying to find a treatment. I still have time. _We_ have time."

She stands up abruptly, pain and fear and hurt standing out in stark contrast to her pale face. "No, Leo. We don't."

"What?"

"I can't do this. I can't sit here and watch while you waste away to nothing."

"Karai-"

"I'm sorry."

And she walks away.

 **A/N: Sooo...anyone hate Karai yet?**


	15. Chapter 14: Sapphire

**Chapter 14: Sapphire**

I'm not supposed to know that Leo's in the lab right now telling Karai about his situation. I'm _certainly_ not supposed to be listening in on their conversation. But I find myself sitting down outside of the doors, curling up to make myself smaller and less easily spotted.

And that's how I hear it.

 _"You're...you're kidding, right?"_

Silence.

 _"No. Dammit, Leo. No. No. You can't do this to me."_

 _"I've talked to Donnie. We're trying to find a treatment. I still have time. **We** have time."_

 _"...No, Leo. We don't."_

 _"What?"_

 _"I can't do this. I can't sit here while you waste away to nothing."_

 _"Karai-"_

 _"I'm sorry."_

I'm still trying to process the turn of events when the lab door slams open and Karai runs out of the room, a hand clasped to her lips. She doesn't see me.

After a moment I stand and poke my head into the lab. Leo is sitting on the cot with his back facing towards me. His shoulders are quaking, and the sound of muffled sobbing reaches my ears. My heart clenches.

I hurry over and pull him into a hug. He wraps his arms around me without hesitation, burying his face in my neck. "Saph, she...she-"

"Shh," I murmur. "I know, Leo. I know."

"How could she do that to me?"

"I don't-"

The leader pulls away, allowing me to see the tearstains on his cheeks. "I loved her, Saph. I loved her with everything I had. She couldn't be there for me this one time?"

 _This is my chance. My chance to show him what she's really like._ "Look, Leo, I...there's something I've actually been meaning to tell you for a long time but I never had the opportunity. Karai was using you."

"What?" he says in a low voice. As if he's shocked.

"I don't know if it was for the thrill of it, or because you're Sensei's prized pupil, or what. But she was using you all this time. She didn't really love you. She loved the attention, and the honor of dating the leader, and-"

"I can't believe this."

I blink, stopping midsentence. "Excuse me?"

"You're seriously doing this? Trying to...what? Make it seem like you're better than she is? Trying to make me hate her? Why? So you can have a shot with me?" Leo shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe that you'd be the person who would stoop this low. Are you jealous or something?"

"Leo, I-"

"You know what? Just leave me alone. I thought you were gonna cheer me up, or make me feel better. Well congratulations, because at least I'm not sad anymore. I'm just disappointed."

My heart crawls into my throat as he stands up and painfully makes his way to the door. This was _not_ how I thought the conversation would go. "I'm not...I'm not jealous, Leo. I'm telling you the truth! Karai was using you!"

"I don't want to hear another word. In fact, I think it'd be better if you just didn't talk to me at all."

And he slams the door shut. The noise is the thing that breaks me. My knees give out and I fall to the floor as tears sting my eyes. Even when she's being a complete jerk, he still loves her. _He'll never love me. Never._

 **TMNT/TMNT/TMNT**

But that doesn't stop me from loving him, as I discover that night. Donnie doped him up on some more sedatives and sent him off to bed early. I peek in on the way to my own bedroom.

Karai's still avoiding him, so he's the only one in his room right now. I step closer to him and tug the comforter up over his body. A small smile crosses his face and he snuggles down into the bed.

Sadness wells up in me, but I ignore it and press a faint kiss to his forehead. "I love you, you know," I whisper. "I love you so much that I'm breaking. I'm suffocating in your cobalt eyes and your smile makes my heart stop. You're poisoning me, Leo. You're like a drug and I'm addicted. You're ruining me from the inside out...and I'm letting you." A tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away with the back of my hand. "I just don't understand how loving you is destroying me and somehow you don't even notice."

A shaky breath escapes my lips and I shake my head, retreating towards the door. "I waited for you forever and you never came, no matter how long I wished for it. It's kind of funny how you're the only one I wanted and you're the only one I can't have." Another tear falls, but I make no move to dry it this time. "I can't wait anymore, Leo. It just hurts too damn much. You...you can keep her. If she's what makes you happy, then keep her. I won't stop you. But when you're finally ready to come and love me, I'm not going to be there."

Every step I take out of that bedroom hurts like hell. But at the same time...it brings relief. That burden is finally gone. I still love him, but not in the same way. I can't love him the same way anymore.

And that night, I sleep well for the first time in a long time.

 **Please review.**


	16. Chapter 15: Leonardo

**Chapter Fifteen: Leonardo**

When I wake up, my head is pounding and there's an awful taste in my mouth. I can't remember...oh, yeah. Donnie.

"I hate drugs," I mutter, swinging my feet off the side of my bed and standing up. The room spins around me for a moment and I screw my eyes shut, groping for something to brace myself on. "Dammit...what exactly did he _give_ me?"

Fortunately, I don't have to figure that out. Said brother pops his head into the room as if summoned. His face flashes with panic once he realizes that I'm standing up. "Leo, lay back down! There's still medicine in your system - you could get seriously hurt!"

There's a scowl on my face as he guides me back to bed. "Speaking of which. We need to talk about a maximum limit of drugs for you to give to people. I can't even think because of the hangover-type-crap going on in my head. Not to mention my mouth and throat feel like they're full of cotton."

"Sorry," Donnie says, not sounding sorry at all. "Had to make sure you'd actually get some rest. And don't worry; the dose I gave you wasn't dangerous. It was just big enough to knock you out for a good long while."

"How long are we talking, here?"

"Umm...give or take...forty-eight hours."

"Donnie!"

"Leonardo, you were exhausted. You were running yourself ragged, and the cancer wasn't helping. I decided to take matters into my own hands since you wouldn't listen to me. So you can blame yourself for your current condition."

A wave of nausea overtakes me and I groan, burying my face in my pillow. "Hate you," I tell him.

"Yeah, yeah. You'll thank me later. Now get some sleep. I have to go find Saph."

"I got plenty of sleep already, don't you thi-" The rest of his comment registers in my drug-addled brain and I raise my head to look at him. "What do you mean, go find Saph?"

"We-ell...as soon as she got up this morning she left the Lair. We haven't seen her since. I assumed that she was at April's or something, but none of our friends have seen her either." Donnie shifts on his feet, unwilling to go on.

"And...?"

"Raph said he overheard you two arguing earlier and figured that was the cause of her disappearance," he says. "There. Now get some sleep."

"Don-"

"Hamato Leonardo, you will plant your face right back in that pillow and go to sleep. That's an order." He fixes me with a deadly glare and I sigh, dropping my head in defeat. "Good. I'll check on you in a few hours."

The door slams shut with finality. I lay there for a long while, my heart in my throat. If Sapphire gets hurt because of me, because of what I said...

I'll never forgive myself.

 **A/N: I know it's short. I apologize for that. This chapter was mostly filler, because I wanted to get to Saph's next chapter. XD**

Leo: So I got the short end of the stick because you like her better than me?

Me: Shut up. You were being a butthead anyway.

 **In all seriousness, though, I think (hope) you guys will like the next chapter.**

 _Chapter 16 Synopsis: Donnie corners Sapphire and she reveals her full conversation with Leo to him, along with her feelings on the subject of Karai. Saph is doing her best to get over her heartbreak - not an easy task when said subject seems intent on discussing something important with her._

 **So that's all I've got this time, guys. ;)**

 **Cowabunga.**


	17. Chapter 16: Sapphire

**Chapter Sixteen: Sapphire**

I've only been gone from the Lair for a little while when my cell starts vibrating constantly in my pocket. Eventually I sigh, answering it. "Hello?"

 _"Where are you?"_ Donnie screeches. _"You just up and left without telling anyone! Do you know how dangerous that is? What if you'd gotten hurt or something? What if you'd been attacked by the Foot Clan or-"_

"Donnie, please don't yell at me," I say quietly, cutting him off in the middle of his rant. "I really can't handle it right now."

There's a pause. _"Are you okay?"_

Well, if I can't tell Donnie, then who can I tell? "Honestly...no. I'm not okay. I have a headache ripping through my skull, my heart's been smashed to pieces, and all I want to do is cry. Does that answer your question?"

 _"Raph told me he heard you and Leo arguing. Did you want to talk about it?"_

"Not really."

 _"Might make you feel better."_

An exasperated huff escapes my mouth and I roll my eyes. "You're not gonna let this go, are you?"

 _"Statistically speaking...no. Not at all."_

"Fine. I'll be back home in ten minutes."

 _"Okay. And Saph?"_

"Yeah?"

 _"Be careful."_

"I will," I say, but he's already hung up.

* * *

When I walk into the Lair, I find Donnie waiting for me with a mug full of hot chocolate. He presses it into my hands gently but firmly. "I read that it's supposed to help with tension and...uh..."

I chuckle a little and take a sip, not really caring about how it scalds my tongue. He's clearly feeling a little out of his depth here. "Thanks, Don."

"So...you want to maybe...sit down to talk or something?"

"Sure. Why not?"

Once we're both seated at the table in the kitchen, Donnie looks at me with seriousness in his brown eyes. "Now what exactly happened last night?"

 _Just leave me alone._

My shoulders slump and I set my drink down, resting my head on my folded arms. "Donnie, if I were to tell you I thought that Karai was using Leo, what would you say? Hypothetically speaking."

"Initially I might be surprised at the accusation," the genius admits. "But I believe that I would agree with you. Hypothetically speaking, of course."

My gaze snaps up to meet his. "Really?"

"Really. I know that he loves her, but I don't know if she really feels the same way about him. It's more, I think, about enjoying the certain freedoms that come along with "dating" my oldest brother - along with the fact that the match seemed to be approved by Sensei, since she was his daughter and Leo was his prized pupil. It only made sense. The match was, for her, one of convenience - but not necessarily one of love. At least not for Karai."

"I tried telling him that...he didn't take too kindly to my words though."

"I'd guess not," Donnie says, shaking his head. "If Leo loves her as much as he claims to, then your observations wouldn't have helped matters. Any accusation against Karai would've been viewed as false."

"But you believe me."

"Yes."

A weight lifts from my shoulders and I'm next to him in an instant, throwing my arms around his lanky frame. "Thank you, Donnie."

"For what?"

"For letting me know that I'm not crazy."

The purple-banded turtle laughs a little. "No, you're not crazy. But you are in love with him. Aren't you?"

"What?"

"That's why you're so worried about him. That's why you were so concerned about the treatment thing. That's why you tried to warn him about Karai. Isn't it?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Only to me. I know how it feels to be in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way. Trust me."

I run a hand down my face, sighing. "The thing is...I'm not in love with him anymore. I love him, but I'm not _in love_ with him."

"Yes, you are," Donnie says softly. "You can't just turn it off, Saph. It doesn't work that way."

"Dammit, Donnie. Don't make me think about this. Not again. I dealt with it last night. I don't need to go through it again. I've resigned myself to the fact that we're just friends and that's all we'll ever be. Okay?"

"Saph-"

"Don't worry about me, Don. I'll be fine. And if I'm not, then I'll just pretend until I am."

"You can't go around pretending all the time," he calls after me as I make for the door. "Nobody can. It won't last."

"It'll last as long as I want it to last," I spit back at him, my eyes filling with tears. I walk blindly through the Lair for a few minutes, blinking when I realize I've ended up in the dojo. With _her._ "I-I'm sorry," I stammer as Karai looks up from her meditation. "I'll just go."

"Sapphire, wait."

The words make me freeze in place. I turn around to stare at her. And that's when I see it. The pain on her face. The redness of her eyes. The exhaustion etched into her very posture.

"I wanted to talk to you. I've been meaning to for a while, actually. I've just been scared to do it."

 _Karai? Scared? Please._

The kunoichi leans back against the cherry tree and closes those hypnotizing amber eyes. "I know you heard my conversation with Leo the other night."

"Yeah. I mean, no. I-"

"It's okay. It's kind of better that way, actually. Saves me from explaining."

"Explaining...what, exactly?"

A sigh escapes Karai's painted red lips. "You, as well as I, know that Leo had a crush on me the moment he saw me for the first time. But...I didn't feel the same way. Not really. And then when they brought me back here and I met my dad - my real dad - I was so grateful to him. I didn't know how to thank him, other than by repaying what he was showing towards me. But it didn't... _feel_ right. I never meant for it to go as far as it did."

"What are you saying?" I can't quite wrap my mind around this information. "That you never really loved him at all?"

She shakes her head. "No. I didn't."

"Then why the charade? Why pretend to care that much?"

"I wasn't pretending to care," Karai says softly. "I did care about him - I still do. But I care about him as a brother, nothing more."

"Then the kissing, the sex-"

"We never had sex, Sapphire. We may have gotten close, but never that close."

"Oh." The word comes out of my mouth, tiny and small. Suddenly, I feel like the worst person in the world. "I'm...I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong."

I sit there for a moment, playing with my hands in my lap. "I hated you, you know," I admit quietly. "I hated you with every fiber of my being. You were everything I wasn't. Pretty, smart, fun to be around-"

"Then we're even."

"What?"

There's a hint of laughter in her tone when she speaks. "I hated you too. See, you may not know it, and _he_ may not know it, but Leo likes you more than you think. I saw the way he'd look at you when he came in from patrols to find you passed out on the couch. The gentleness with which he'd take you to your bedroom. The way he'd press a tender kiss to your forehead after tucking you in." She shakes her head. "I was jealous of you, Saph. It seemed so _easy_ for you to get his attention. All you had to do was laugh and he'd light up like a Christmas Tree. I-I wanted what you had."

My mind is spinning now. There's too much information to process. A thought presents itself. A dream I had one time. Except now I know it wasn't a dream. It was a memory.

 _A pair of cobalt eyes looking down at me as something warm is pulled up around me. A gentle smile gleaming in the dim light. A set of lips ghosting across my forehead._

"Holy crap..."

"I want you to be with him, Sapphire."

"I can't. He loves you-"

"That won't be a problem," she assures me. "I'm going away for a while. I'm headed to Japan to try and save what's left of the original Foot Clan, turn them good."

"What? Does Sensei know? Do the others know?"

"Yes. Everyone except Leo." Karai releases a long breath. "He'll be hurt. But I know you'll take good care of him. I know how much you love him." Her expression grows serious. "And about this cancer thing...I was doing some research. You weren't cured with normal medical procedures, were you?"

My eyes widen and I gasp. "How did you...?"

"It was a lucky guess. But you know what it means for Leo, don't you?"

I shake my head. "I can't. I'd lose everything."

"But wouldn't it be worth it?" the raven-haired girl asks gently. She stands up, a touch of her trademark smirk appearing on her lips. "Take care of him, Saph. I know you'll make the right choice."

And then she's gone, and I'm alone in the dojo with a head full of information and a heart full of dread.

 **A/N: Whew! That was a long one! I hope it made up for the shortness of chapter 15, haha.**

 **Please review.**


	18. Chapter 17: Leonardo

**Chapter 17: Leonardo**

Three days later, Donnie announces that I'm (finally) off of bedrest. "But if I see you getting exhausted again, I won't hesitate to put you back on," he warns. "And I'll have Raph enforce it."

 _Oh, I have no doubt._

"And Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely NO training or patrols for the next week. Understand?"

My cobalt eyes snap to meet his russet ones. "You're not serious?"

"Oh, I can assure you that I am deadly serious. I mean it, Leonardo. The second you step foot in that dojo I will pump you full of sedatives again."

A scowl darkens my face and I stomp from the room as Donnie starts to clean up the IV system he'd had me on. _Stupid cancer. Stupid geniuses and their stupid medical knowledge and-_

I pause in the middle of my silent rant. The Lair feels...different, suddenly. Wrong. As if something is missing.

Anger temporarily forgotten, I make my way around the Lair, checking on everyone. Saph is in her room, writing some stuff down in a notebook. Raph is pounding away at the punching bag. Mikey has plopped down in front of the TV - probably intent on beating Raph's high score in whatever videogame they were playing last. I know where Donnie is, and Sensei is out at April's place, so that only leaves one person.

But she's nowhere to be found.

Dread settles in my gut. "Guys, have you seen Karai?"

At my question, Mikey freezes. Raph tenses up, and his next punch to the bag comes a little too forcefully. "N-No," my youngest sibling squeaks.

 _Bingo._ "Where is she?" I level Mikey with my _leader-mode stare,_ as they like to refer to it, and the freckled turtle visibly wilts.

"SHEWENTOFFTOJAPANTOTRYANDSAVETHEORIGINALFOOTCLANANDSHEDIDN'TTELLYOUBECAUSESHEDIDN'TWANTYOUTOBEHURTPLEASEDON'TBEMADATME!" he wails.

It takes my brain a moment to process what he said. Then the full meaning of his words sinks in. "She...she left? Without telling me?" Raph sighs and crosses his arms, nodding. "But why?"

"Probably couldn't take the situation," Raph replies quietly. "It's been hard on all of us, but for Karai, having to see you like that couldn't have been easy."

"So she just...ran away?"

"She does have other things to deal with, bro. Not trying to sound harsh or anything, but Karai does have a life."

 _A life that doesn't involve me._ "Can I ask you something?"

"Uh..."

"Did she ever actually love me at all?"

Mikey and Raph exchange glances, neither one saying anything. But their silence is answer enough. Pain lances through me and my breathing quickens. _Sapphire was right._

"Oh." The word comes out small and watery. I swallow, biting my lip hard to keep from crying in front of them. I thought she cared. I honestly did. "Guess I'm a lousy judge of character, huh?"

"Leo-"

"It's fine, Raph. It's fine." _No it's not._ "I'm just...I'm gonna go."

I trudge up the stairs to my room, every step sending pain echoing through my body and into my heart. But I can't make myself enter my room - the spot where Karai spent so many nights with me. So many memories are tied up in that space.

Suddenly it's all too much. I turn and run down the steps, not caring about how Donnie yells after me to slow down. Not caring about how Mikey and Raph take one look at my fleeing form and jump up from their seated positions, telling me to stop. I just have to get out.

My feet carry me through the sewer tunnels, up to the surface, and out into the night beyond.

 **Please review.**


	19. Chapter 18: Sapphire

_A/N: So I guess I disappointed a lot of people by just posting an author's note instead of an author's note **with** a chapter update. I apologize for that...I'm trying my hardest here, guys. I've been fighting writer's block lately, and there are so many books to update, and school's been a pain in my shell because I have a research paper due in a week and a half, among other things._

 _Anyway...I figured I'd go ahead and update. Sorry if I let you guys down._

 _One more thing: I want to dedicate this chapter to SonicStory. Thanks for your amazing review... and for making me smile tonight. I appreciate that more than you know._

 **Chapter 18: Sapphire**

I absently gnaw on the end of my pencil as I stare down at the notebook in front of me. A notebook filled with information about my "cancer days." I've been thinking about what Karai said a few nights ago - barely got any sleep because of it, in fact - and I decided around three o'clock this morning that I would give Donnie everything I remembered.

Including the details about my treatment.

A sigh escapes my lips and I close the notebook. That's all the information I've got. But still, ten pages should be enough to get him started, at least. I even drew a few pictures to add to the notes, just in case he should need them.

I haul myself off my bed and make my way to the door. But as soon as I step out into the hall, I know that something is wrong. Donnie and Raph are talking in low, strained voices. Raph looks really tense. Mikey rushes past my room on the way to the dojo, frantically calling for Master Splinter. Notes temporarily forgotten, I hurry over to the other turtles.

"What happened? Where's Leo?"

"He's gone," Donnie says distractedly, punching buttons on his phone. "Ran off when he found out about Karai."

"Knew she was trouble," Raph mutters.

For some reason, I find myself coming to her defense. "It's not her fault. She didn't want to hurt him even more...and she didn't want to be persuaded to stay." My gaze shifts to the purple-banded turtle on my other side. "Do you know where he went?"

"I'm tracking him on his phone...the thing I'm worried about is that he could hurt himself worse than he already has before I get there. Or that Shredder's goons could find him. He's not exactly thinking straight right now."

"We need to find him before something happens," his red-banded brother agrees grimly.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No. We need you here. Sensei is gonna need your help when-"

"Guys," Mikey interrupts as he enters the room, "We're good to go. I told Dad what was going on."

Donnie looks at me then, and I'm shocked to see the fear in his eyes. He's never scared - not like this. "Get the med bay ready. I don't know what we'll need."

I nod and watch as the three remaining turtles run out of the Lair, quickly disappearing from sight. A bad feeling settles in my stomach. Something is about to happen.

And they won't be able to stop it.

* * *

An hour later, a shout draws my attention. I race into the main room just in time to see Mikey and Raph carry an unconscious Leonardo through the entrance. Donnie and barking orders and yelling for his father.

"What happened to him?" Splinter asks, hurrying in. His ears flatten against his head and his eyes dilate at the sight before him.

"We don't know, Sensei. We located him on a rooftop but he was already down for the count. I detected faint traces of a sedative within his system...but it's not the one I gave him."

My heart stops. "You're saying that someone else..."

The genius shrugs helplessly. "Until he wakes up, we have no way of knowing what happened."

"How long is that gonna take?" Raph nearly growls.

"A few hours. Maybe more? I-I honestly don't know."

I stare down at Leo, at the paleness of his skin. At the slackness of his jawline. His eyelids flutter weakly behind his mask, the royal blue fabric stained and torn.

 _What happened to you, Leo?_

 **Please review.**


	20. Chapter 19: Leonardo

_A/N: If I'm being completely honest, I don't know what I'm doing right now. Heh. I **think** I had a plan for what followed the cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter but I can't remember how it went. *growls* _

_Yeah...so...I'm gonna do my best here._

 _Let's get going, shall we?_

 **Chapter 19: Leonardo**

The first thing I'm aware of is the chill in the air and the pain in my body. A muffled groan escapes my lips and I burrow down deeper into the blanket someone threw across me.

 _Wait. Blanket? Where am I?_

My eyes fly open and my head pounds as lights blind me. When I can finally see, I realize that I'm in the lab, lying on the medical bed Donnie keeps for emergencies. And speaking of Donnie...

He enters the lab with a mug full of something steaming - coffee, if I had to guess. And judging by the look on his face, it isn't his first cup.

"Donnie?" The words are raspy, spilling from cracked lips and a throat that's dry from disuse.

At his name, the genius flinches. The movement sends his prized liquid spilling down the sides of the cup and splashing onto the floor, eliciting a curse from his mouth. Donnie turns to look at me, annoyance clear in his eyes. And then he realizes that I'm awake and rushes over, coffee all but forgotten.

"Leo! Holy Kraang! Guys! Guys, get in here!"

There's the sound of feet slapping on concrete and then Raph, Mikey, and Sapphire burst into the room. All three of them visibly wilt in relief when they see what's happening.

Mikey throws his arms around my neck and _squeezes._ "Dude, you're awake! It's been three days, bro!"

"Yeah," Raph adds, crossing his arms. "What the shell happened?"

"I-I don't know."

Four gazes lock onto my face, searching. "What do you mean, _you don't know?"_ Donnie asks carefully.

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to think about exactly what occurred once I left the Lair. But all I can come up with is a shadow, the world spinning around me, and darkness. "I can't remember. I-" Pain shoots through my head and a strangled noise escapes my lips.

"All right, all right," Sapphire says quietly, stepping in. "There'll be time for that later. Right now you need to get some rest. All of you."

My brothers start to protest. "But-"

"No buts. You were all up late the past two nights. Donnie's barely gotten any sleep at all. Don't _make_ me bring Splinter into this."

Mikey's eyes narrow. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would. Now get going. I'll stay with Leo for a while."

As they leave the room, Raph muttering not-so-nice things under his breath, Sapphire releases a sigh and plops down in the chair next to me. She drags a hand down her face and sits there for a moment without saying anything. And then:

"So...how's it going?"

I have to chuckle at that, because it's so much like Sapphire to try and lighten the mood. "Well, truth be told my head feels like it's splitting in half. The light is hurting my eyes, my bones are really aching right now, and I have absolutely no idea what happened to me or how I ended up back here at the Lair after running out earlier. Er...three days ago."

"I can answer the last part, at least. Your brothers tracked you on your phone and went out to get you, except you were apparently unconscious already because of a sedative someone had put into your body. You were pretty banged up when they brought you home."

 _Running. Feet pounding on graveled rooftops. Trying not to slip in the rain. Jumping across gaps._

 _Every inch of me screaming, asking " **why?"** No answer. _

_A dull whistling noise, just loud enough for me to hear it. Piercing pain in my left bicep._

 _A dart. Pale liquid gleaming on the tip._

 _The world tilts, the edges of my vision growing dark. A shadow in the corner of my eye._

 _Then nothing._

Eventually I become aware that Saph is shaking me, calling my name, trying desperately to get me to respond. "-eo? Leo, what's wrong?"

I inhale, shaking my head to clear it. "Sorry. Spaced out for a minute."

"I was calling you for the past _five_ minutes, Leo."

"Sorry, but I-I remember. There was a shadow. He...she... _they_ shot me with a dart. I don't know what they wanted. I blacked out before I saw who it was."

Saph bites her lip, her gaze growing distant. "Bishop?"

"No. Too bulky for Bishop. Besides, he's our sort-of ally."

"Shredder?"

"He's gone, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Well...what about the Foot Clan? They're not gone. We don't know what happened to Dexter Speckman after everything happened."

"With a dart gun? Not really his style."

"The PDs aren't good enough to take you down." She huffs. "My question is, why didn't whoever-it-was hurt you when they had the chance? Donnie said that your injuries were mostly from you hitting the rooftop and rolling. So unless they just wanted a blood sample, there has to be another reason they knocked you out."

Her eyes widen to the size of silver dollars and the blood drains from her face.

"What if you were just bait, and the guys led whoever-it-was right back to the Lair?"

"Who would want to know where the Lair was? Shredder's gone, most of his clan is-"

"LEO!"

My pulse skyrockets at my little brother's scream. I shoot out of bed, reaching for my katana only to remember that they aren't there. _Screw it_ _._

I make it to the main room in record time...and freeze. Because at the entrance of the Lair stands Tiger Claw himself. And he's holding a gun to Mikey's head. Donnie and Raph lie unconscious at his feet.

A ferocious grin spreads over the mutant cat's face. "Well, well. We meet again, young cub."

My eyes narrow into slits and I sink into a defensive posture, trying to disguise my wince as pain radiates through my body. "What do you want, Tiger Claw? We had a truce."

"Ah, but truces only last so long. I have come to claim my retribution."

"Retribution for what?" _Deep breaths. Control the pain. Focus it. Use it._

"For everything you meddlesome turtles have ever cost me," Tiger Claw sneers. "You have been a thorn in my side for many years. And it will be my pleasure to finally wipe you out."


	21. Author's Note: The End

**Author's Note: The End**

As is customary (for me), I'm wrapping up my book with an author's note. (I know, I know. You're all so sick of reading my author's notes, right?)

I wanted to thank everyone for the massive support I received for "Plenty of Time." Neither this story, nor any of my other ones, would be possible without you guys behind me with all of your reviews and favorites and follows. So thank you very, very much.

Before I officially wrap this book up, I have two things to say:

 _(1) Finals week is almost done, and that means I should have more time to update my stories. I'll do my best to keep up, guys._

 _(2) **There will be a sequel to "Plenty of Time."** Haven't decided on the title yet, but I can't very well leave you all with that massive cliffhanger, can I? (And don't worry - I've got chapter one in my head already. All I've gotta do is type it up. *wink*)_

So...yeah. That's about it for this note. And for "Plenty of Time." Thank you all so, so much for everything. I hope you'll stick around for the sequel - I'll post a note in here letting you know when the first chapter of the sequel is up. So stay tuned.

As always, stay awesome, my friends.

TMNT-Queen


	22. Announcement: New Book is Up!

**New Book is Up!**

Hey, guys!

As promised, I'm letting you know that the sequel is out! (Or at least the prologue for the sequel.) It's called "On Borrowed Time." Go check it out!

 _Summary:_

 _She knows what's coming - has known for a long time. One way or another, one of them is going to die. But she'd rather it be her than the leader that they all need and love so desperately. Sapphire is going to keep his candle burning...no matter what the cost._


End file.
